There once was a postman named Kyle
who wanted to travel in style.
The mailbag EXPRESS
certified trip success.
That’s the end of my rhymes for a while.
There was a young woman named Scout
whose play-offs were often in doubt.
The fight ring was grimy.
And both snails were slimy.
Fans cheered as the bugs slugged it out.
There once was a man from Capri
whose pencil was something to see.
He used great discretion
when popping the question,
“Please say you’ll be my bride 2B.”
There once was an artist named Bruce
who painted still life—but no goose.
The lemon was chill‘
til it ran down the hill.
But it stopped when it ran out of juice.
There once was a man named McCall
who talked about nothing at all.
His gibberish rants
made all of his plants
uproot and head straight up the wall.
There once was a woman named Marge
whose debts were incredibly large.
She tried to escape
the enormous red tape
but her credit card’s guilty as charged.
There once was a writer named Keller
who penned an impressive bestseller.
“I’ve whiteout in case,
there’s a word to erase.
I’m successful but not a good speller.”
There was an old woman named Peg,
whose puppy would whimper and beg.
The dog was impressive.
And Peg was excessive.
Each day she would cook a pooched egg.
There was a vain boy named Renee
who groomed, fussed, and gussied all day.
He had no compunction
His dryer still blew him away.
There was a crude person named Grumpy
who made his six roommates quite jumpy.
The seventh, Snow White,
said, “Go fly a kite!”
So he called her the Princess of Frumpy.
There was an old man from Chernobyl
whose nerves often left him immobile.
his circumstance, though,
improved when his meltdown went global.
There once was a woman named Peller
whose talent for cleaning was stellar.
She sheltered in place—
fell swiftly from grace—
now maintains a reorganized cellar
There was a strange artist named Muller
who chose to eat foods of one color.
He needed some blue
so he cut up his shoe–
a snippet he used for a cruller.
There was a young girl from The Basques
who noticed an uptick in masks.
“Is today Halloween?
What does quarantine mean?
Can I dress as a virus?” she asks.
There once was a man from La Cruz
who drank while he solved crossword clues.
He grew quite concerned
when last Sunday he learned
bamboozled was not about booze!
There once was a fool they called Donny
who traveled in suits of Armani.
He flopped at his job
but rallied a mob
and toured with disbarred Giuliani.
There was a young coed from Beecher
who wanted to impact her teacher.
She needed an A.
So all day she’d pray
he’d visit her under the bleacher.
There was a fat fellow named Sven
who burped, belched, and hiccuped and then
he’d chide and diminish
his plate yet he’d finish.
He never learned how to say “when.”
There once was a convict named Skaggs
who never could get prison gags.
He thought they said, “takeout”
when they had yelled, “breakout”
so he was left holding the bags.
There was a small insect named Mame
who hated when Christmastime came.
She was such a poop
that friends in her group
said, “HUMBUG! Yes, that’s your new name.”
There was a brave athlete named Saul
who faithfully trained with a ball.
But those small yellow peeps
would give him the creeps
so he’d bat them to Peter…not Paul.
There once was a coed named Kate,
who pondered her Passover fate.
Her family was strict.
But she had them licked
with an orange on their good seder plate.
There was a bold hero in green
who rode through the forest unseen.
The people were needy.
The doctors were greedy.
Now healthcare for all is routine!
There once was a writer named Blume
who garnered success before Zoom.
Though some bore a grudge
when she wrote about fudge,
Blume excelled when she made clergy fume.
There was a cliched elder sweep
who said, “As you sow you shall reap.”
He dropped with a crash
arose from the ash
and said, “I should look ‘fore I leap.”
There once was a young Guatemalan
who suffered quite badly from pollen.
Jo got mighty sick.
Her temper grew quick.
So folks called her Josephine Stalin.
There once was a woman named Hope
who wanted to marry the Pope.
Her folks said, “Forget him.”
Then one day she met him.
But since she’s a Jew, he said, “Nope.”
There was a young Moor from Chicago
who drank like a Dr. Zhivago.
His wife, Desdemona, drank only Corona.
“No vodka?” he asked. “Like Iago!”
There was rude toddler named Scott
whose manners had all gone to pot.
Politeness? He couldn’t.
“Oh, mommy! You wouldn’t!”
We’re thankful she threatened a swat.
There once was a woman named Jean
who loved to eat eggs Florentine.
She devoured a stash.
Broke out in a rash.
Now she’s stewing in strict quarantine.